How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
