Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
