I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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