yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
