I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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