Say something about gay babies.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
