is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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