I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I understand Curling. That high.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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