Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
