There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
wow bdsm is so cute
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