his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
