My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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