Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize