dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize