you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm eating all of the evidence.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
