Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
