I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
