i need an iv and a liver transplant
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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