well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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