That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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