Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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