Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
