Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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