how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
