we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
