It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
