i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
