Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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