So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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