allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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