i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
