I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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