Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
