you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
