His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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