so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
