Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
