member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
