she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
