Sry I called you an 8
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Randomize
