my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
