how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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