is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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