if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
