I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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