so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
