theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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