Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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