Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Quick, to the slutcave!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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