man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
