we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
