This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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