I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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