I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize