I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
