please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
