you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
