My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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