someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
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