Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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