i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
