Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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