somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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