I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
