i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
