i wish my penis had a tongue
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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