proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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