Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize