How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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