Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
