Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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