john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
