She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
