would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
