ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I did not marry a roomba.
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