i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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