Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
