the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
