Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
