If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
His nipple licking is glorious
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