My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
