Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
