im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
