you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
